08:02 a.m.
The world is being taken over by MEAT (this is a plural statement). Mana is wearing pants, and ---Fuck! DAMNIT!! It's all insanity and I'm drowning in the middle of it all.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, May 9, 2003.

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10:56 p.m.
I've noticed I don't blog anymore.
Or do HTML.
Or really even go online.
In a truly manga fashion…

…what is the point?

Amidst mullets, broken cymbals, and 3 rotating jobs that have died and been born, I must wonder - Is it really so kind to be such distant bitch? Sure. Why not. It's the way to survive. Fuck everyone else because in the end we're all fucked anyway. I love the rocky-mountain climb of mood swings.
It is most likely PierrotNoir will go down in the fall. I see no point in maintaining my deadborn child any longer.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, April 25, 2003.

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05:21 p.m.
Things just continue down the path into the strange world and thought continues to be my downfall. Been an interesting weekend, death, brief reunions, and oh such entertainment. Things are starting to look up as they plummet however, and I've had a sudden enlightenment. Sure there may be no point to existence, but what is the point in mourning that fact? I've delved into studies, both guitar, Japanese, and drums. All barriers have been broken down and within a year I've got to be on the road that I'm going to be walking by then. If anything, I should at least be living in Japan by next year.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, April 15, 2003.

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03:01 p.m.
Why must all people be cross-paired and screwing each other, in every form of the word?

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, April 11, 2003.

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10:15 p.m.
I can't believe I forgot why I hated kung-fu, or the fact that I for some reason thought I could overcome all of the stupid bullshit. I'm going to explode by the time this class is over. I can't bear it, it's a load of cocky ass-shit. And with an ego as inflated as mine-- well. You get the idea.
It did however, click that the one thing I'm there to do is learn to control that killer instinct that takes over when I'm angry. I want to be able to be rational but still have that deadly strangeness. However, with the strictness of this class, I'm not going to be able to expand on my own personal style. I must stick hard-core to the gayness that they provide. I (had) respect for them, but circumstances have made this impossible and if I can't improve on my personal likes while also doing their crap, and create a happy medium, then it's all fucked to shit.
Two hours and my mood has deteriorated into this. This is why I'm so fucked. Because the world is fucked, and everything is fucked, and I went back for all the wrong reasons. FUCK THIS SHIT.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, April 10, 2003.

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06:17 p.m.
Beware of odd males who play dead possum on their backs, with their paws in the air in a creepy symbolism of canine subordanance. I've never seen an odder…"display" (for in actuality, there is no other words to describe it) than I saw this year at Sakura Con. I'm sorry, there is just nothing attractive about a male who -invites himself- to lay down beside you, roll over and put his hands in the air like some sort of dumb dog. Males creep me out in general, and even more so when they put some sort of bizarre mating ritual in action. I'm sorry, I think this strangeness has scarred me, and I already had deep, unresolved issues about the male sex.
This week has been just bizarre. I've acted like I've never acted before. I've freaked out over sales, and done unmentionable fangirlish things (no this doesn't include fanfiction, or any sick sort of thing) but I'm to embarrassed to speak of my actions here. At this moment I look like dirty laundry hung up with clothes pins and purple hair. I've temporarily lost grip on my so-called reality. I'll pop the hot-air balloon that is carrying me and fall back down where I belong.
And now, I'm dedicating myself to my Natsu and his career. As his manager, wish us luck.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Wednesday, April 9, 2003.

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07:00 a.m.
Nastiness is banana cream yogurt.
The last week and a half has been quite interesting. My home has been invaded by my not-so-foreign-counterpart. We have girlishly hit many sales, wailed about them, and purchased many (tacky) things. (We are not proud.) I am on the verge of spending 120$ on a letterman's jacket that reads, either "GACKT" or "Mr. Fuxxer." I'd say the lack of sleep is getting to me, but it would be a lie. Either way, the morning sun has unfortunatly roused me two hours before I was set to wake, so I shall use this time to calm the tornado that has ravaged my home.
Oh, and Wifebeater Gackt is the new Vanilla.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, April 1, 2003.

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01:54 p.m.
Interesting things you find, when you find something you weren't supposed to see. "Toni. M -------" a medical bracelet. Now, I've seen pictures of Toni, and thought, "how the hell can that girl look like my dad's female clone, when, it's not his daughter." (not to mention, if it's not, why does my grandmother have her medical bracelet?) Well, seeing as she has our last name, I think that little mystery is solved. So, perhaps I have some sort of a sister. But no one acknowledges her as such, she is just "J o h n n y ' s sister." But…but…SHE COULD BE A MAN!!!! (she's the lucky one, che.) Not to mention, that she, like the rest of us, was blessed with an "M" middle name. I am very curious now, but I know I'll never ask. But there is -no way- that she can't be related to me. I'll find a photo of her, and a photo of my dad, (or my gai gai brother) and put them all together. They're all like a family of scary, scary clones!! GUWAHH!!! WHY?! Oh, plus that would put more of the angry bitterness into place. -Why- do my siblings hate me? (other than I am god, and they are scum) [Ohohohohohoho! *^^*] Well because, I'm the one that is admittedly their kid. Che. Silly me!
ANYWAYS. Woot! Off to eat my rice, in the wonderful land of Queer!

My evil twin last knifed someone on Sunday, March 23, 2003.

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06:12 p.m.
Looks like another exciting Saturday night here I good old shithole s--------. I'll sit here, with my malfunctional internet and bitch, while collectively fattening myself with anything I can eat, since I have no life, and why the fuck does it matter if I get fat anyway? I'm scarred and nasty looking, so why does it matter if I'm fat on top of all that? You know what? It doesn't. So fuck off.
On top of that, my email server is down, and there is nothing to waste my money on. I'd go bowling if their shitty fucking American pop didn't make me want to pull out a gun and blow them all to high hell. Not to mention having to be serenaded by the noise, and having to be in close quarters with (god forbid) other human beings.

And now I'm reading a Weiss Fic, that opens up with Heath and Pata and hide. Excuse me, what the fucking fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck? Please, when I want to be spared uber shit, don’t throw it in with the regular crap. I feel tears coming on.

And please, why must we fangirls be so melodramatic about our favorite stars. ARGHH CAN I DIE NOW?

My evil twin last knifed someone on Saturday, March 22, 2003.

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09:15 p.m.
I'm putting all my anger to good use. I'm going back to kung-fu either this term or next (depending on schedule conflicts) and I'm going to be the meanest, nastiest little bitch. A clawed kitty, Nyao!! Stupid males will pay, and I will learn to exceed their ability. I want the real power to rip and maim and kill to be in my hands.
I have a real positive drive, don't I? I have a certain bloodlust tonight, and that past few. It's quite invigorating! Notice the happiness in my tone, and take note that there is no bitterness or sarcasm. I really do just want to punch my fist through someone's head! Mmm!! I can't wait!! *punches in the air*

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, March 21, 2003.

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09:39 p.m.
I hate this country. Everything about it. We're all assholes and I don't blame the entire world for hating us. My last hope is only that Sugizo will accept me as a refugee. Yaaay Sugizo! GWARRR. I'm full of excess hate today.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, March 20, 2003.

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05:25 p.m.
I hate being around people. It sends me into an endless spiral and I just want to die. I have the means to do it, I should.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, March 20, 2003.

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05:04 a.m.
I think the 2a.m. painkillers and sinus medication have made me a bit tipsy. I have the oddest sensation that I am floating in the air and I'm about to fall out of my chair. At least I can still think mildly clearly between tiny fits of giggling. Whee!!

My evil twin last knifed someone on Saturday, March 15, 2003.

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03:12 p.m.
I'm starting to wonder if it wasn't novocaine that they gave me at the dentist. Whatever it was left me very disoriented thinking Gackt was sitting on my lap (which in some sense he was, in magazine form) and that the dentist wasn't really a dentist but some government agent literally drilling me for some unknown answer to some unknown question. Needless to say I had a brief internal moment of panic. After they *finally* finished what was supposed to be quick an easy, I left, feeling a bit wobbly and not entirely conscious. Almost got hit by a car on the way home, entirely my fault, but I'll blame the strange numbness in my face. The left half doesn't move. At all. It's a strain to close my eye. Perhaps I'll rest a moment and lament my lost money and utter oral misfortune.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, March 11, 2003.

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05:51 p.m.
It's been what, four months now since the Great LadyBug Infestation ? I'm still sweeping up their ruined corpses. Such is my life. I'm having a brief moment from my rabid cleaning fit, as I can't take the cat hair and the said corpses any longer.
Meanwhile, I've been quite inspired over the last few days to write and absurdly cliché, (and yet very gory fanfic) about how Youji is dreadfully injured in someway, and dies as Aya is holding in said victims entrails. Aya then goes insane, and the story ends (see, I'm brief.). It's all wonderful. But instead of busying myself with such wonderful literary works, I've been rushing to get the second issue of Bishounen Yume out (and after it's nearly completed, I'm told, "Oh no! You don't need to turn it in!") Alas, I cannot share the latest hot anime man gossip, and embarrassing, "I'm a Magnum!" life-ruining & changing tales.
On a happier, hoppier topic, Coffee Wench may become Coffee Accessory and Sweets Wench at local place of work, whilst maintaining a lovely side job as "Young Spinster," who coincidentally wrote the first song to be played ever, somewhere, "AppleFuxxer!!" Which leads on into a very brief congratulations to the "Yögurt Cannons" who may be landing their first "big" gig.

Oh yes… and the count down to SAKURA CON 2003 begins!!

And lastly I apologize for my excessive teenage gothic regression, for such real banter drives me up the fucking wall. Madness I scream, and it's not just a lemon in my hand, my hand! It's an apple!

My evil twin last knifed someone on Monday, March 10, 2003.

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09:50 p.m.
Let's simply say, things got worse. Much worse.
I feel as though I have this cloud of doom floating over my head today. It must be bitch-karma or something. I'll probably go to sleep and then have someone break in and kill me just before midnight.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, March 6, 2003.

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08:16 a.m.
I have just walked a mile and a half in a skirt, in freezing weather. However, luckily, unlike my predecessors, there was no snow, and I indeed had shoes (for once). Fortunately, I now can look at the youn'uns and say, "In my day, we had no tripple A (blatant lie) and we had to walk miles, and miles (blatant lie number two) to get a spare tire!! In the freezing cold! In blistering shoes and catholic uniforms!"
Now, I could have accepted that ride from that innocent looking man, but it's the "innocent" ones who are going to kill you, so I declined and walked the last mile home.
I had a premonition about this, I should have listened and not woken up this morning.
And now, I will sit here and eat my black-burned butter toast, and hope the day can't get any worse.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, March 6, 2003.

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12:29 p.m.
Insanity is just a narrow bridge. Right, m’dear? And I’m about to jump off. Flying, flying! Young Spinster screaming, “AppleFucker!!” as she plummets to her death, down, down, down, to down. GARRR!! Matey! I am pirate Fabio!

My evil twin last knifed someone on Wednesday, March 5, 2003.

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04:33 p.m.
PierrotNoir.org. Pissing people off, one wrong word at a time.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Saturday, March 1, 2003.

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10:24 p.m.
Bitter, bitter, angry thoughts flowing out of my mind like foul rotting bile. Why bother. I mean seriously. Who needs a best friend? They'll just end up carving your kidney out of your back when you're not looking and selling it on the black market. Heh. Not that I needed that kidney anyway. Fuck friendship, fuck the lies and the stupid bullshit you say because you think that that sort of love is important. It's bullshit twined up in loneliness. That's all it is. Fuck you too. AppleFucker. Love it, for the hatred is all in good humor.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, February 28, 2003.

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10:30 p.m.
[[warning: severe teen-goth angst ahead]]
I am having terrible déjà vu. It's like the worst year of my life is repeating itself ten-fold. Kung-fu is a wasteland and forgotten, so are my best friendships, one in particular in which I quote and say "it's all over," while others dig themselves deeper into their graves, even though they have been long since buried under six feet of stone. I'm still failing all classes, and on top of it, everything is dying from my family, to my cats, to just about everything else. And old relics best left forgotten have resurfaced and I have to repeatedly bang my head on the wall and just ask "why?" And yes, as I said on 29, January 2001: "Fuck that asshole." In reference to not only JAMES but others as well. Considering all this, I am in a pretty good mood. I can see how long it's actually been since I realized what complete DICK HEADS all of my friends were, from Mel, to Manda, to James, to whoever the fuck else seemed at one point or another to be a driving force in my life, showed their true-selves as bastards. And can someone PLEASE tell me what the fuck the "20th" was all about? I don't know what 20th, but some twentieth in the past.

[[end teen-goth angst]] Oh yeah, and for good measure:
FUCK YOU JAMES.
I'm sad to admit for that brief seven minute period, I reverted to my former, high-school "goff" self. Please excuse any stupid angsty teenage bullshit, and hop merrily on along your way, and pretend you never saw the bug-eared coffee wench turn into a trenchcoat clad "mah, everyone hates me, mah" teenager. Goodnight now.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, February 25, 2003.

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10:16 p.m.
You know what? Keep the fucking money. I don’t give a fucking shit anymore you stupid worthless goddamn asshole. I hope you choke on it. I never want to have anything to do with you again. FUCK YOU, JAMES. Goddamnit, I'm mad. You owe me five-hundred dollars, tell me you're going to pay it and then go spend it all on a fucking lap-top. YOU SELFISH STUPID FUCKING PRICK. I'm never doing shit for you again. Fucking die. FUCK YOU AGAIN! GUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! PRICK. FUCKKKKKK!!!!

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, February 25, 2003.

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08:19 a.m.
Either toxic fumes from the radioactive biocultures that were growing in my milk jug, (I do not lie when I say there was a thick, glowing green substance oozing around in the container) or extreme boredom, I have decided that "themeing" my house would be something interesting to pass time. While the living room will be an interesting mix of techno, new-age 1800s Gothic, complete with skull on mantle, the kitchen will be a lovely homemaker setting, flowery, bright, and undeniably cheery, a wonderful balance to the gargoyles and darkness. Wee!!!
Is it just me, or does Mana (Malice Mizer) now have boobs?

My evil twin last knifed someone on Wednesday, February 19, 2003.

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01:13 p.m.
They had become like blonde tarantula lags spotted with the plague. Three months of rapid growth, untouched and un-presentable. Look! I'm not a spider anymore!
My fortunes all point to Natsu, and drown me. "I am stuck in an abysmal swamp," as Gackt would say, who speaking of, I saw his yearbook picture, and needless to say went into a state of shock. Gackt? Actually looking like he was Japanese? Two words : Fuck me. Not to be taken in some obscene sort of way, but trust me, I never thought he could look so, dare I say… normal. As for now, my newfound hairlessness has made me a new person, and I find it is once again time to submerge my brain in studies. Henceforth I go, back into the world of -tte, Milton and bodhisvatta.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Monday, February 17, 2003.

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10:20 p.m.
I should have known when I woke up and knocked myself out on a wall that today was going to be a bad, bad day. But did I heed my own karmic advice? No, of course not, so I got out of bed and proceeded to have an increasingly bad day.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Tuesday, February 11, 2003.

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09:03 p.m.
See. Exactly. No point in pretending everything is ok when it's not ok. I hate being fake with people - and I just don't want to pretend anymore. So let us not. I can't make idle bullshit sound like it matters, so why bother. I give up.
Lots of things are irritating me lately. So I've been iritated. Too much to do, to little motivation.

[ How small the hole is, it cannot stop us from getting through. Come here to save you. Have something to tell you. Can you hear us, Jessica? Where did you go? Where are you? Came here to pick you up. Need your accompaniment. Everything will vanish without a trace, when the songs go through. Come here to flee with you, into the silence.]




My evil twin last knifed someone on Saturday, February 8, 2003.

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09:58 p.m.
Who has the fucking nerve, to call the WRONG FUCKING NUMBER, and leave a rude message, cussing ME out because she got the WRONG GODDAMN FUCKING TELEPHONE NUMBER. STUPID MOTHER FUCKING BITCH. If I fucking had caller ID I'd give the fucking snatch a piece of my mind. BITCH! GODDAMNIT I HATE FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Thursday, February 6, 2003.

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07:42 a.m.
I don't know why I bother agonizing over stupid shit. But I do, and I end up acting like an annoying, angsty, fifteen year old. But I obsess on thoughts, no matter how hard I try not to, and I will for a long time until I just can't do it anymore. Twenty years from now I'll still be worrying about it. Fuck, I still freak out about stupid shit that I said accidentally six years ago, and that was -nothing-. Anyhow.
I needed to get a message to Lulu & Paddy and since I haven't had ICQ (and still don't) - that’s kind of hard. So drop me an e-mail asche [at] pierrotnoir [dot] org when you find this message.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Monday, February 3, 2003.

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12:30 p.m.
Everything is dying. My cats are dead and dying, my grandmother is dying, my friendships are dying, and my dreams are dead. I'm glad I can look on the bright side of things.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Sunday, February 2, 2003.

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11:08 p.m.
I'm a stupid fucking bitch. Worthless.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Saturday, February 1, 2003.

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09:18 p.m.
Losing my best friendships seems to be my one and only secret talent. If only I didn't have such a loud, winning personality, that shines and sparkles as it seems to do (please note extreme sarcasm). Every single loss is or will be somehow inevitably be my fault because there is no way a "good" person could lose so many people that meant so much.
The pictures are falling over, and the ink is fading, but my memory isn't. Everything is dying except the past.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Friday, January 31, 2003.

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10:20 p.m.
I need to watch my step so I don't keep falling over. Sober even, I can't manage to stand on my own damn feet for more than five minutes without pulling off some wholly miraculous stunt, that will be known infamously for days as "that head shaking moment." And she seemed all together at first glance.

My evil twin last knifed someone on Monday, January 27, 2003.

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[other lives] Aki | Chalcedony Cross | B.Chan | Fuu(yu) | Jaided | Natsu-kun | Ratbastard | White Kiss

Past - [02-07 09 2001] - [07-13 09 2001 ] - [13-23 09 2001]
[23-13 9-10 2001] - [14-27 10 2001] - [27-13 10-11 2001]
[13-29 11 2001] - [1-17 12 2001] - [17-31 12 2001]
[02-31 01 2002] - [01-01 02-03 2002] - [02-31 03 2002]
[01-19 04 2002] - [20-15 04-05 2002] - [15-16 05-06 2002]
[08-03 06-08 2002 - [03-02 08-09 2002] - [09-11 02-22 2002]

[11-01 22-27 02-03 ]- present

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